I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
