My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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