I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
