OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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