if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
