How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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