In America we eat man semen.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
