I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
