we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
