So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
