It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
