She's JV to your varsity
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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