I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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