Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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