Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
