I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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