I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
