Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
