I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
