Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
