your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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