i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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