what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
