first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
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Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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