There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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