Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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