in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
