Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
