I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
