I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
