so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sacagawea was the original milf.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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