: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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