Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
