You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
