She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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