Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
