I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
