when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
