the condom got lost in my hair
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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