Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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