i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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