if i can run in heels then i can drive
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
