If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
50% drunk capacity currently
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He did a backflip because drugs
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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