I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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