So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
