After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
