so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
