My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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