Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
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