hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
