Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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