if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
