I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
