oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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