Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My penis needs a shock collar
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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