dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dear god my vagina.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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