So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
