why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
