what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
