a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Of course I have a pirate flag
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
