omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
and you fell through a lawn chair
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
