you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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