I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
