after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
