my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
