I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hippo gnu deer
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
