Will you blow on my dice?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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