i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
