Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
its liver damage thursday
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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