Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
