i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
