I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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