This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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