don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just high enough for therapy.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
