I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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