i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
