Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
