In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
