Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
