When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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