Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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